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Get in loser, we’re checking in with ourselves ?

Happy Sunday, everyone! This week has been hectic from both a work, and a personal perspective, and as this newsletter goes out, I will be waking up in the North after spending the weekend with Henry?s sister and her family. I?d initially wanted the focus of this newsletter to be a part 2 to ?The Festive Edition?; however, a few different things that happened this week made me reconsider. This time of year can be filled with joy, but for some, it can be lonely and difficult without family and loved ones, which are heavily emphasised during the festive season. I wanted to give space in particular, to those who find this period more challenging and offer ways to check in with ourselves (and others) to make sure we?re all being looked after. Hopefully, I can provide a few things that bring a little joy and some useful resources for those who need them. I?ve liked being able to suggest a playlist for us all to listen to whilst reading this newsletter, so it feels like we?re all together. Someone on an earlier post suggested making a special Rhubarb Society one, so whilst I work on that, today I?m going to recommend my Classical and Instrumental playlist for today?s reading.

FILM CLUB

The ?instant joy? edit

I immediately know that watching a film can turn things around for me if I feel a certain way. Sometimes I like the escapism, other times it can just feel cathartic to cry, ultimately it?s a great tool for entertainment and distraction (I even have a letterboxd list for ?films I watch when I?m sad and bloated?). I used to think this was the case for everybody until recently when I had quite a heated debate with a friend who told me that they had never felt moved or affected by a film. I?m just going to assume that they are the anomaly and that everyone reading this can feel a range of emotions when they watch a film, so I?m going to share a list of the films that I default to when I need a little joy in my life.

Crazy Stupid Love – When I found out this was written by the same guy who wrote ?This Is Us?, everything made sense. I cannot express the pure, unadulterated joy this film brings me. Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling have the best chemistry, as do Emma Stone and Ryan G (I also think we owe a big thank you to this film for having these two cast in La La Land). The writing is witty and sharp and has unexpected twists. It also gave us one of the best reaction memes of all time.

Soul – This film was released during the lockdown and I still think it is one of the most underrated Pixar films of all time. It?s one of the best things they have ever produced and released, and I don?t hear it spoken about enough. I wish this had been released when I was a child so that I could have been blessed with the magic and the message that is ?Soul?. If you tend to avoid animated films, please make an exception for this one. It is incredibly moving and it will resonate with anyone feeling a little lost. It will make you look at the world a little differently afterwards.

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days – Did we all want to be Kate Hudson in that yellow dress? Did we all want to be Kate Hudson?s best friend? Did we all want to be Kate Hudson??? It hits every RomCom trope, and I love it. If you don?t have the time of your life watching Kate Hudson?s character find ways to annoy Matthew McConaughey, then I don?t know how else to help you.

Paddington 2 – You all know how I feel about this film by now. But I?m just reiterating that this is a MUST-SEE.

Intouchables – Have you ever seen a film that has altered your brain chemistry? When I was 18, I went to a film club that was in the basement of an embassy (for the life of me, I could not tell you which one). I was entirely overdressed, as always, and I sat down on an uncomfortable chair and watched this film, completely transfixed, and I even cried in a room filled with strangers. I swear I left that embassy a changed person. It was the first time that A) I?d really embraced and understood foreign film, and B) I was introduced to Ludovico Einaudi. Intouchables is based on a true story, and every millisecond of this film is told with heart and love.

Shaun Of The Dead – Okay, hear me out. Yes, this is a zombie comedy, and it isn?t necessarily the obvious choice for a list like this, but this film is genius. I came close to putting Hot Fuzz here instead, but when I watched Edgar Wright for Vanity Fair breaking down scenes from his films, I truly appreciated the attention to detail that went into Shaun Of The Dead. I also love the easter eggs that are scattered across the ?Cornetto Trilogy? universe. It doesn?t matter how many times I?ve seen it; I will still always laugh out loud. It is the perfect film to watch for some escapism that doesn?t make me feel depressed when I return to my real life and realise it?s nothing like the thing I?ve just spent the last two hours immersing myself in.

SELF CARE

As someone who has been on the internet for a while and seen the birth of social media, from Myspace and Piczo to Tumblr and beyond, I?ve seen different iterations of ?wellness? and the ?green juice girl?. I always thought it was slightly ironic that the trend of the ?wellness girly? seemed to be about doing the things that fit aesthetically with the idea of wellness rather than focusing on the actual things that make someone personally feel ?well? and cared for. Self-care is ultimately a personal thing because when it comes down to it, only you know the things that affect you positively. However, I do think social media and the internet as a whole can be a great source of inspiration to understand and learn new things that can help facilitate this, so I?m going to share a few personal ?self-care? rituals in the hopes that it might resonate with some of you. I also have an Amazon list dedicated to ?self-care? that includes a few of the mentioned items. Please feel free to share your own in the comments.

  • The Five Minute Journal – I actually got mine as part of a PR gift, and I didn?t really think of anything of it. I?d tried journalling a few times before, but it never really resonated with me. I like how the five-minute journal gives me a short and structured routine in the morning and evening to reflect on the day and the things I?m grateful for. It?s a really nice way to check in with myself. You could very easily take the structure and do the same in your notes or in a document without buying the journal too!

  • Unplugging and Moving – The best thing about having a dog is that it?s forced me to get out on daily walks (no matter the weather) and spend some time away from my laptop and phone. I try and listen to a podcast or a playlist (one of my favourite podcasts for walking is This American Life) and really focus on enjoying being in nature. It sounds simple, but the daily movement and the fresh air help to clear my mind. If you?re in London, I highly recommend a walk around the beautiful Kyoto Garden in Holland Park.

  • Little Luxuries – I like to find ways to elevate the everyday and the mundane so that even the smallest things can spark a little joy. A few weeks ago, I was on a trip and there was a bunch of eucalyptus in the bathtub of the room I was staying in. Obviously, I took it home because no plant should be left behind, and I tied it to my shower. I don?t know why, but seeing and smelling it in the shower every day just made me really happy. So, when it eventually dried up after a few weeks, I picked up a fresh bunch for £5 from my local florist so I could continue ?sparking joy?, in the words of Marie Kondo. The same goes for having fresh flowers, my favourite sheet mask or a bottle of The Estate Dairy milk in my fridge so I can make a delicious coffee in the morning. Surrounding yourself with little things that you can look forward to daily is a very important form of self-care.

  • Stretching & Decompressing – After reading ?The Body Keeps The Score?, I became so much more aware of how my body held tension and anxiety that my mind tried to dismiss. I can be a chronic over-thinker, and I sometimes struggle to switch off the internal monologue. I?ve found a really effective way to release some of my ?mental stress? is to stretch and release. I love a foam roller if I need something a little more intense. I carry a lot of tension in my jaw (which is apparently linked to your hips), so I?ll pop on a Youtube video whilst I stretch it out on the floor. I also like to use my Theraface, but a Gua Sha is also effective at releasing facial tension. How often do you really check in with your body and listen to it? It can be amazing how much we can ignore until it?s too late!

  • A Foundation For Good Sleep – This is a good time for me to write about this because, in recent weeks, I?ve been neglecting this, and I?ve really noticed the toll it?s taken on me! When I don?t sleep well, it messes up the rest of my day. When I?m taking the time to check in with myself and to listen to what my body needs, it always benefits from a rested night?s sleep, and that starts in the hours before. In the evening, I like a cup of the Pukka Night Time Tea (usually enjoyed whilst I?m stretching. My sister introduced me to these Nelsons Night Drops, which I take just before bed. Ideally, I would avoid screen time before bed, but that can be difficult with my work now revolving around my phone/laptop; however, when I?m on good form, I?ll stop half an hour before I sleep and fill in my five-minute journal before doing a bit of reading. I?m also sensitive to light over noise, so I pop on my Slip Silk Contour Mask, so I don?t have disturbed sleep.

RESOURCES

BOOK CLUB

So it?s kind of crazy that it?s taken a month for me to talk about books in this newsletter??? However, as this whole issue is about self-care, it felt entirely fitting. I do have to preface with the fact that, as I?ve become older, I?ve found myself leaning towards slightly more depressing and soul-destroying books. Don?t worry, though, I have my fair share of lighthearted reads that provided the perfect escapism for me as a teenager (and I still enjoy today).

A Little Life – We?re going to start with the big boss?the soul destroyer. The ?no other book will ever compare, so why bother?. This is a BIG book; it takes close to 100 pages to get into it, so I understand why some people have struggled with it. The premise sounds simple; a story of four friends who have just graduated from college and who move to New York together to start their lives. We follow them over decades and we begin to unravel the truth behind one friend, in particular, Jude, whose difficult childhood is revealed through his struggle as an adult. Simply, this book is harrowing. It?s not an easy read. It?s not light. The characters will stay with you for life. Some people criticise it for being ?trauma porn?; others say it?s long-winded and pretentious. I personally think the impact a book has on you is a testament to how great it is, and no other book has come close to how A Little Life has impacted me.

Blue Bloods Series – So I came across this series during the height of the Gossip Girl/Twilight era, and I was OBSESSED. It?s basically Gossip Girl if they were vampires. It?s about wealthy, annoying, elite Manhattanites dealing with the fact they?re vampires. It?s mindless and shallow with the right amount of drama?bonus points for describing their expensive outfits in excruciating detail.

Gossip Girl Series – I remember finding this book in my school library (I think I was 12?), and I technically wasn?t allowed to rent it because our library had an age cap on certain books. Still, the security obviously wasn?t very tight, as I rented it anyway. I was still on a high from The Clique series, so I devoured every single book in The Gossip Girl series. This was a few years before the TV show came out and I am ,still defiant that the books are better. The first novel is basically the series’s pilot, and the plot and most of the characters are entirely different from the show (Chuck is a side character in the books). If you?re a fan of the show, it feels like you?re getting a whole extra series by reading the books. They?re so much funnier, cruder and more candid.

The Clique Series – The grip this series had on my adolescent self??? I read it when I was 11 and then reread it consistently into my late teens. I kind of want to re-read it now as a fully grown adult to see if it still brings me the same joy. This is the baby sister of Gossip Girl. It?s about a group of wealthy, privileged, pre-teens in Westchester. The Queen Bee has to deal with a girl from Florida moving into her guest house and being forced into her friendship group. Tyra Banks even produced a film version of it at some point. I kept a ?State of The Union? list for years after reading this.

Life After Life – Okay, we?re back to something a little more serious. I read this on holiday several years ago and, I couldn?t put it down. I haven?t seen the BBC series adaptation of it, so, unfortunately, I can?t comment on it compared to the novel. It?s confusing and irritating but also endlessly intelligent and witty. I love the concept of someone living life over and over, being able to make different choices and being given endless chances. Once you get over the initial confusion of the story, you?re in for one hell of a ride.

The Luckiest Girl Alive – I touched on the book adaption of this in my first newsletter, where I discussed my criticisms of the film adaptation. When I first read this, it gave me a visceral reaction. I love how the story unfolds. I love how Ani is a flawed character that you love to hate but you?re also rooting for. I love how a character and a plot that seems so shallow is anything but. It?s a book I find myself re-reading regularly.

One Hundred Years of Solitude – I first read this book as part of my degree, which initially made me dislike it, purely because I had multiple books on the go across my various modules that I had to write essays about, which made it hard to really enjoy any book at the time. However, as I continued to slog through OHYOS, I found myself reading it because I genuinely enjoyed it instead of reading it because I had to write about it. The story is about seven generations of the same family and the town they built. I seem to have a thing for books that span decades (or, in this case, generations) of the characters where I can fully absorb myself in their lives. I wasn?t prepared for the amount of Magical Realism in this novel, but it?s part of why I love it so much. It?s fantastical and magical, with descriptions bordering on the dreamlike and bizarre. There?s so much to it that this short paragraph could never do it justice.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation – This book isn?t about the plot. If you like books that give you a nice, well-rounded story arc, with character development and all the loose ends tied up, don?t bother with this book. I love this book for the journey. I love being inside the main character?s head. It?s dark and witty, and the narrator is so unlikeable, so I wasn?t expecting to be moved by the last few pages. Every time I read it, I?m left with a strange, hollow feeling when I come to the ending, which in some ways, feels entirely fitting in the context of the story.

White Girl Problems Series – If you?ve found this newsletter through my TikTok and you were an early follower, then it?ll make sense to you when I say my early characters were inspired by this series of books. Babe Walker is a rich, self-absorbed, out-of-touch, twenty-something year old from L.A who is struggling with all of the aforementioned. It?s a hilarious, crude satire that will make you laugh out loud but also feel slightly depressed at the knowledge that there are people like this who actually exist.

THE CLUB CORNER

a weekly feature in which I take recurring topics and questions from my DM?s and try my best to answer them – on today?s menu, we have;

?How do I make friends as an adult??

I?m always surprised by how many iterations of this question I get in my DMs and Q&As. Variations of this question have included making new friends at a new school, a new university, in a new city or even a new country, but ultimately, it?s never about the where and more about the how. Without assuming the age of the people submitting this question, I know this anxiety is more prevalent in teenagers and young adults as so much of our lives, up until a certain point, are enclosed with structure and familiarity. We see the same people every day, live in the same towns, have the same routine, and naturally find a group of people we align with and eventually call ?friends?. It?s natural to feel like this group are the be all and end all, and that you couldn?t imagine making connections like that into adulthood and beyond, but I promise you that you will. I have made 90% of my friends as an ?adult?, which I consider to be University and beyond. I think an important part of making friends as an adult is reframing our idea of ?friendship?. Growing up, the friends we made at school were people we saw and spoke to every day. You?d have sleepovers on weekends and hang out after school. You?d text, BBM, Snapchat, MSN (or whatever the medium for communication was for your generation) during the hours you didn?t spend together. Friendship at that time relied heavily on consistency and presence. As an adult, I?ve learned that this isn?t really friendship. As your lives get busier, you don?t necessarily have the same face time or screen time with the people you care about, but this doesn?t make them unfit to be a friend. True friends are the ones who you know would drop anything to help you in a c I?ve made some really good friends through work (both corporate and now social media). Bonding with colleagues over how much we hated our jobs

And that?s all from the fourth issue of The Rhubarb Society! If you?re keen to get ahead of next week?s segment of ?The Club Corner?, please feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below, via email or in my DMs. If there?s anyone you think would be an excellent fit for The Rhubarb Society, please do extend the invitation below.

Love,

Tamsin & Rhubarb

xoxo