Dear Reader,
Happy Wednesday to all of our members, new and old. It’s been another full-on week here at the club with renovations to the sorbet stand (apparently there wasn’t enough room for the non-sorbet sorbet options anonymously requested) as well as stopping certain members from eating at said sorbet stand after several firm email requests from their nutritionist (sorry Hugh, it is awards season after all). On the topic of awards season, The Golden Globes, The Emmys, and The BAFTAs are now firmly behind us, but there is still plenty of time for members to place their bets on The Oscars. The member who is closest in their predictions will win a prize (at the discretion of the club chairwoman), so please do head over to The Club and get involved for your chance to win! So, for today’s issue, I thought that this would be the perfect time to share some winners and losers of our own, so strap in for what I am rather creatively calling, ‘The Rhubarbs’.
The Best Underrated Spots in London
The Kyoto Garden – A tranquil Japanese garden in the middle of Holland Park that makes for the best weekend walking spot. You’ll see everything from koi ponds and waterfalls to the odd peacock or three strolling around.
Nolita Social – In the basement of the Bulgari Hotel in Knightsbridge, Nolita remains one of my favourite places for a late nightcap to people-watch and dance to live music until the early hours. Bonus points for the pick and mix in reception that I have raided more than once on my way out.
Mamasons – For a sweet fix, you can’t beat Mamasons and their self-titled ‘dirty ice-cream’. They have three locations across London that serve everything from Ube Bilog (which is a delicious brioche ice-cream sandwich) to Milo milkshakes.
The Wallace Collection – Often overlooked in favour of its much larger and more famous museum siblings, The Wallace Collection is a free museum that showcases a range of art, ceramics, furniture (and even armour) from the 18th and 19th centuries, collected over five generations by one British aristocratic family.
Opium Bar – Behind a rather dodgy-looking door in Chinatown and up several flights of stairs, you will find Opium bar. On weekends this place is open until 3am and it’s the perfect place for late-night cocktails and dim sum with friends pre-karaoke.
The Tiroler Hut – Missing Austria? Or perhaps you want to listen to an 80-something-year-old man serenade you with cowbells and an accordion? The Tiroler Hut is the best place to eat, drink, and be merry with a big group of friends and the worst (or maybe best) place for a first date. Sing loudly (and badly) to whatever Josef decides to play that evening over bratwurst and peach schnapps.
Step In Reflexology – I first spoke about this place on Instagram stories years ago and I am still DMed consistently by either people who have been and loved it, or people asking me to please tell them the name of the place where I go to in Chinatown to be massaged so firmly that I profusely sweat. Step In is down a side alley in Chinatown and is the best value for money you could get for a massage. You can choose to just have reflexology or you can opt for the full body. When I have reflexology done, I take Rhubarb and she sits on my lap.
Foreign Exchange News – On Leinster Terrace in Bayswater, you will find this newly opened cafe/coffee shop/foreign exchange currency shop. An extremely chic place to grab a coffee and a sandwich before taking a walk through Hyde Park. If you go, say hi to Hallam (the very tall, blonde, charming manager) and tell him we sent you.
The Worst of Film and TV
If you’re looking for something to stream on one of the multiple platforms or something to watch in the cinema, avoid these.
Argylle – is it fun? Yes. Is it also ridiculous and unbearably long and will it make you question just how much they had to pay the cast to be part of this steaming shit show? Also yes. At one point Bryce Dallas Howard attaches knives to her shoes to ice skate over spilt oil with a machine gun in order to kill bad guys as part of a semi-dance sequence to the Leona Lewis version of ‘Run’.
Citadel – two co-stars with less chemistry than I have with my gyno, and a huge budget that was clearly not spent on the writing of the script.
Lift – some of the fight sequences are good but that’s as far as the compliments extend. Completely lacks the charm and charisma of heist films gone by despite having a huge budget and a major platform behind it.
Fool Me Once – the most effective marketing of this film seemed to come from everyone taking the piss out of it online which is usually enough to convince me to watch it. It’s supposed to be a thriller but comes across as a satire due to how comically over-the-top and exaggerated everything is. I guess the real fools were the ones convinced to watch this drivel because of social media (aka, us).
Madame Web – you know what, I’m going to encourage you to see this because it’s the sort of film where you read the reviews and think ‘surely it can’t be that bad’ and then you realise that it really can be… so at the very least, you learn some sort of life lesson from the whole experience.
The Best of Self-Care
Foot Roller – for those who can’t make it to Step In Reflexology, one of these makes for the perfect at-home substitute.
Pure Cherry Juice – some of you may want to use this to make a ‘sleepy girl mocktail’, others may want to use it for an actual cocktail, or if like me, you just love the taste of something tart, concentrated cherry juice is packed with antioxidants and nutrients.
The Little Frog’s Guide To Self Care – I’ve followed Maybell on Instagram for a very long time and I fell in love with her frog illustrations so I was thrilled when I saw she’d released a book. It’s filled with little affirmations and funny froggy quips that remind you to live life to the fullest and stay positive.
Shower Steamers – I like to find ways to make the everyday and mundane a bit more exciting, so as well as hanging eucalyptus in my shower, I like to occasionally treat myself to a shower steamer.
Shiatsu Massagers – if you’ve been here a while you’ll know how much I love my shoulder shiatsu massager (I often use it as I sit and type these newsletters) and Amazon have a huge selection in all different shapes and sizes that will cover you from your head to your toes.
Slip Silk Sleep Mask – my main pet peeve with eyemasks is how they end up squishing my eyes and eyelashes but this Slip one has padded-out contours that leave your eyes untouched. Not only do you get a peaceful, comfortable, blacked-out kind of sleep but the silk protects your skin from all of the pulling and squishing that causes wrinkles.
Recently Overheard at the Club
Complaints about the lack of dairy free, gluten free, meat free, sorbet free sorbet options at the Sorbet Stand. Also, complaints about Roger the Sorbet Stand Boy for wearing an inappropriate watch whilst serving said sorbet (he’s the grand-nephew of a member so please double check who exactly it is you’re complaining to). A member heading to Paris for Paris Fashion Week wanting to know if anyone else will also be there. A discussion in the Club Cinema about Poor Things (the spoiler version, in case you’re looking to join in on the discussion). Another member asking for NYC creator recs. Another member was apparently found sobbing in the corner of the second-floor bar after watching ‘Jellyfish and Lobster’ on their phone over a botel of Riesling.
Members are also reminded that membership applications are currently open. If you are looking to apply for Social or Private membership, you are encouraged to do so to make full use of the club and its facilities.
