Rhubarb often tells me how hard being a tastemaker is. There are standards required that not many people/places/beach clubs in the South of France meet. Whilst we have regularly wined and dined in many establishments across London together (except for *** ******, where we are no longer welcome after a particularly hairy encounter with a young Borzoi and crushed velvet sofa), there are still very few that actually make the cut. Therefore, the below list has been highly curated and stamped with The Rhubarb Society seal of approval. I have also transcribed notes from Rhubarb?s Little Pink Book for each establishment for the owners who are no doubt reading this aloud to their dogs.
North Audley Cantine, Mayfair – A stone’s throw from Selfridges and a great way to take a load off after lecturing the SAs in Louboutin for smiling too much. We particularly like the brunch menu and their banana toast iced late. Rhubarb likes the ahi tuna poke without the ahi.
The Pelican, Notting Hill – If you’re happy to bump into everyone you’ve ever met whilst skiing/on safari/surfing in Polzeath from 2001-2018 for the sake of bloody good food, then head to The Pelican. Order the lobster pie and the mince on toast. Rhubarb can often be found quaffing the homemade pork scratchings by the fire after a long day of meetings.
OKA – We usually avoid anything with ‘pan Asian’ in the title since a particularly bad blind double date at Nobu (Berkley Square branch, ugh) in 2008. However, we make an exception for OKA. The sushi portions are generous, and the food is very reasonably priced. We love the crunchy spicy tuna roll with a glass of lychee juice.
Maison Francois – After stealing all of the decent staff from Soho House (at Rhubarb’s recommendation), Maison Francois has become a firm favourite. Order the moules marinere flatbread and wash it down with a grape margarita. You must also choose something sweet from the pastry trolley and wash that down with an extra dirty martin. Don’t forget to pack your cashmere dog blanket, as unmanicured paws are prohibited on the banquettes. Tell Darren that we sent you.
Cocoro, Marylebone – Rhubarb tells me this place reminds her of her stint in Japan when she briefly dated one of the Samsungs (pre-criminal conviction and drug conviction, she insists). We love it for authentic ramen and sushi and to get day drunk on Chu-Hi.
Mercato Mayfair – What once was an old church has now been converted into a large food hall with different vendors that serve everything from Malaysian food to Italian Gelato. If you go to the lower ground floor, you will find a cheese and wine bar and, at the very top, a small outdoor rooftop. Amen.
The Hero, Maida Vale – The same team behind The Pelican, so expect a similar experience (although a little less unhinged).
Chiltern Firehouse – Firstly, Vinicius is the only Rhubarb Society approved person at Chiltern, and he often carries Rhubarb to her favourite courtyard table. If you see him, be sure to tell him we say hi and have a cigar or two to bribe him with for future reservations. Anyway, the food is aggressively overpriced, and I would never eat in the restaurant (dogs aren’t allowed in after Rhubarb threw up on Poppy Delevigne’s archive Gucci shoes)); however, the courtyard and the bar? We love. Many long afternoons have been spent here smoking, drinking, grazing and people-watching. Rhubarb still texts André daily to complain about the removal of the crab doughnuts.
Sunday in Brooklyn, Notting Hill – Avoid on Sundays because the queue will, in fact, stretch all the way back to Brooklyn. However, once you get a table, the brunch is sublime. The pancakes and the cheddar scramble are the perfect cure after a late night of playing with Josef’s bells at the Tiroler Hut.
Casa Cruz, Notting Hill – Rhubarb comes here for the bone marrow as she swears it’s the secret to her flawless skin. She also likes to spend the Summer here on the roof terrace, arguing with fellow Champagne Socialists about the gentrification of Notting Hill over the Cote de Boeuf.
The Mandrake Hotel, Fitzrovia – This hotel is opulent and eccentric, featuring everything from phallic drawings to giant stuffed animals. A great pitstop for guacamole and mangosteen cocktails when you need to entertain your friends from ‘out of town’.
Hideaway – The little sister to Hide, Hideaway is nestled on Mount Street, within touching distance of both Hyde Park, the Connaught Patisserie and Sautters. The Truffle Croque Madame is the perfect antidote to the time spent tutting at the queue of people outside Goyard who don’t have an SA on speed dial.
Pantechnicon, Belgravia – This place mixes the Nordic with the Japanese across several floors in the middle of Belgravia. After buying stag horn salt and pepper grinders from Fiona Finds for the chalet in Megève, dart across to Pantechnicon for beef carpaccio.
Lore Of The Land, Fitzrovia – A Guy Ritchie pub (our favourite prviately educated working-class hero), that happens to do a wonderful Sunday Roast.
Carlotta – When you find yourself yearning for one of your thrice-yearly trips to Capri, head to Carlotta instead. Whilst it is obnoxious in every sense of the word, Rhubarb and I like to spend a few hours sipping Lo Sgroppinos whilst sharing the Carpaccio di Manzo, pretending we’re at Villa Verde. Leave the Pucci at home, though.
Claridge’s Art Space Cafe – Is there anything more civil than sharing an early morning Gruyère and mushroom galette down a mews in Mayfair with your dog?
Sabor – If you’ve ever wondered what life as a member of The Bullingdon Club is like, head to Sabor where you are only ever a few feet away from a Pig’s head. This Michelin star tapas eatery is always fully booked (for good reason), so make sure to call ahead.
The Aubrey – Nestled in The Mandarin Oriental, The Aubrey makes for a great people watching game of ‘daughter or dating?’. It also offers a great Japanese Izakaya experience, including a separate menu for dogs. The head chef even asked for a photo of Rhubarb with her food (we are still unsure as to whether he was a fan or just very proud of his work).
Bouchon Racine – With a waitlist to rival that of The Hurlingham Club, Bouchon offers the finest of classic French bistro cuisine. Prepare yourself and your pup to eat everything from brains to snails.
Love My Human Townhouse – One of the finest dog friendly establishments in London that feeds, grooms, and reikis (yes, that is an option) only the most elite pups in the city. The cafe has a separate dog menu with calories included and a rather good human menu, too.
Connaught Patisserie, Mayfair – Rumour has it The Connaughty Hound was inspired by Rhubarb’s Great Aunt.
Ralphs Coffee, Bond Street – Once you’ve ordered your Oat and Raisin cookie and Gingerbread Latte, you can choose to take a seat outside and people watch on Bond Street or browse Ralph Lauren for the perfect mohair-suede cardi-poncho for your next trip to Argentina.
Shreeji Newsagents, Airmail – The world’s chicest newsagent with everything from cigars to coffees and pastries and extremely beautiful but niche magazines that double as coffee table books. They often host great events and ‘takeovers’ with artists and brands. They have a little jar of dog treats by the door, as it’s a real hotspot for pups. Those in the know will forgo Monocle, a few doors down, for Shreeji.
Maison Assouline – In their own words, MA is ‘a refuge for those seeking style, culture, and art de vivre’, which should be the standard for every establishment The Swans Bar is the perfect place to spend a few hours with your dog, having some drinks and nibbles and judging the hideous carpet. Rhubarb likes it when her water is served straight from the cocktail shaker into a martini glass.
Daunts Books – Daunts is, ironically, like something from a book. Go upstairs and plonk yourself on the floor in the corner for a bit. Rhubarb likes it when I read ‘Paris and her Cathedrals’ to her.
Nobu Hotel, Portman Square (To Stay) – Should you be visiting from ‘out of town’ (for tax or legal reasons) and you are looking for a dog-friendly stay where your canine companion is given their very own bathrobe to saunter around it, look no further. The hotel also includes a great reformer pilates studio and a host of ayurvedic treatments to energise you after a stressful day/month/year of evading the authorities.
The Savoy (To Stay) – Whilst it may be more dated than your godfather’s views on immigration (Yes, Albert, you being an ex-pat in Mallorca is exactly the same thing, and no, we are not discussing this again), their level of service is unparalleled, and the butlers are fantastic with the dogs. The room service food is pretty average (and rather expensive) so best to BYOF.
Claridges, Mayfair (To Stay) – An all-rounder when it comes to style and service. The new rooms are particularly beautiful, with plenty of space for your dog to roam. You can also order pretty much anything from the room service menu for your dog to eat, however be prepared to pay the price. A simple organic broth, with steamed chicken and carrots cost Rhubarb £80.
Hotel Cafe Royal (To Stay) – This place is beautiful, clean, and modern with a killer spa. Our suite came with a ton of amenities (including a 24-hour butler and a driver) however, unlike The Savoy, the butler won’t check in on your dog and take it for a walk. Even more bizarrely, there’s actually a rule that your dog cannot be left unattended in the room (we had a dinner booked so we had to ask permission for our dog to be left without us for a few hours) which I found quite odd. Rhubarb was allowed with us for breakfast at their restaurant (food here is great) but if you plan to leave the hotel, they won’t be too happy if you don’t take your pup! I do think this is more a case of knowing your dog though and being sensible enough to understand that you’d never leave your dog unattended in a hotel room if they weren’t well behaved enough or equipped to cope.
Browns Hotel, Mayfair (To Stay) – One of the oldest hotels in London, with notable guests such as Rudyard Kipling, Oscar Wilde, and more royals than said enclosures at Ascot, your dog will certainly be in good company. With welcome packages from William Morris & Co and a dog-friendly guide to the local area laid out lovingly on the plus dog bed, Browns is the pinnacle of elegance, discretion, and attention to detail. Their adjoining restaurant Charlie’s is also dog-friendly and serves a fantastic array of dishes – you simply must try the Charlie’s Caesar with chicken thigh should you find yourself there.